For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been “wound like a clock”. I have battled anxiety and have an inability to focus. At some point during my life, I developed my secret battle with Trichotillomania.
Most people see this word and have no idea what it means. Trichotillomania is defined as an abnormal desire to pull out ones hair. The severity of this disorder varies from person to person. Some pull the hair on their head to the point of bald patches and are forced to wear a wig or display it for the world to see. Others, like me, pull on eyelashes and eyebrows.
False Eyelashes used to Hide my Trichotillomania
It’s a frustrating disorder because very little is known about it. Many treatments involve medication and therapy. I’ve tried many of these. It’s also a frustrating disorder because of how it effects self esteem.
Imagine what you are most self-conscious about in regards to your body. Now, imagine wearing that on your face or head for all the world to see or judge.
I have had my eyebrows tattooed on twice and plan to get micro-bladed soon. I also wear false lashes a lot. Until recently, I would have never posted a picture or posted a Facebook live or Instagram live without having a full face of makeup. I have become a master at eyebrow makeup out of necessity.
However, the older I get the more I realize we all have insecurities. We all battle something behind closed doors. So, why am I writing this post about my battle with trichotillomania? Because, I want others to know that suffer from this that they are not alone.
I was recently at an office supply store and I noticed that girl behind the register had no eyelashes. I debated even saying anything to her because I know that sinking feeling when others point it out. However, I asked her about it and told her to take a look at mine. She teared up and said she thought she was the only one and had no idea why she did it. We chatted for a bit and I handed over some of my tips and tricks on how to better conceal it. But, I also told her not to let it deter her from showing her naturally pretty face.
I learned eyebrow application early on
As a blogger, it’s very hard to live your life “online” for the world to see. For others to judge. Behind a keyboard, people feel like they can say whatever they want and never consider the person behind the other side of that screen. I’ve sat down to write this post many, many times but didn’t because of that fear.
I get strange looks and questions often. I just answer as politely as I can and go on about my business. Honestly, I wish I could tell you exactly when this started and why. I wish I could tell you I have found some magic cure. I wish I could tell you why I still do it. But, I don’t have any of those answers.
I realize this post isn’t what most of my readers come here to see. This blog is a platform. A creative outlet for me. But I also think it can be used to inform and help in more ways than just home decor and DIY. So many people say to “stay in your niche”. For the most part I do. But, when I feel passionately about something, I want to get it out there. I did that by posting about my infertility journey.
Thanks so much for visiting my blog today!